"Alex"

This letter is to detail my experience under the ministry of Austin Gardner. I was part of his ministry from 2001 when I arrived in Peru as a student from Crown College until 2015 when our relationship was severed.

While I love him and forgive him for his mishandling of these relationships listed below, I believe it is spiritually dangerous and harmful for others to be exposed to him as he has not changed his ministry habits since I confronted him with these habits in 2014. I also believe that the organization and church which he founded has been discipled in these unbiblical methods of ministry.

I believe some of the things mentioned below would fall I the abuse category. This is important to say since abuse should require a private and public recognition. I believe abuse is characterized by using ones power in a position of spiritual authority to take advantage of people and in the end hurt them. My hope is that the leaders of VBC and VBM would recognize these habits and fully turn away from them.

For simplicity I have grouped the abuses into categories.

Marriage

During our years together as a couple under AG’s ministry, I was put under a huge amount of emotional and phycological pressure to be a dominating husband. Two events come to mind which typified this pressure.

First, on one occasion in 2006 during the first year of planting VBC I did not show up for an evening teaching session with AG at his house. These were high pressure events where we were supposed to ask him questions about ministry and let him teach us. The next day I told him that I was spending time with my new wife and son so that is why I did not show up. He proceeded to laugh at me and tell me that I was the most “whipped man he knows.” He encouraged my peers in the room to agree with him. This was not the only time he told me this. As a young man of 24 and a newly married man I desperate wanted to be respectable, to be seen as manly and capable, especially by him.

On another occasion I came to AG to get marriage counseling. This is something that he wanted us young men to do. He would refuse to answer any questions when he didn’t feel we were coming to him enough or following his instructions. So I told him about a private conversation between my wife and I. He told me that if his wife had said that to him that he would have punched her in the face. The comment was not said as a joke or as advice. It was rather to prove to me that his wife would never dare say anything like that to him.

I was very affected by these judgements. They reverberated in my mind and [redacted personal details].

Emotional Control

The hardest thing to put your finger on with AG is how he takes impressionable young men, pulls them into his complete confidence, and emotionally controls them. When I was 20 years old I arrived in Peru with a great desire to be a missionary. That is all I had ever wanted. I had never known a missionary personally so to learn the craft from this expert would be invaluable. My first 3 months in Peru he treated me with a lot of unkindness while he treated my teammate Travis with great acceptance. I was wondering what was wrong with me. Why wouldn’t this missionary like me? Maybe there is something about me that is wrong, that is not acceptable? I was delisted because I had no confidence in myself especially compared to this senior missionary who had such a large ministry. So after a few months I remember going in to speak to him in private. I told him that I noticed he didn’t treat me like Travis and wanted to know what was wrong. I was willing to change anything.

He told me that I don’t listen and I don’t ask enough questions. But if I would humble myself that things could change. I cried. I wanted so much to be approved of. I promised him that I would change.

From then on I tried to please him. I would jump to everything he asked. I would try to sit closest to him. I would ask soft-ball questions for him to answer and try to be the model student. He seemed please by my efforts to please him and for a few months his treatment of me changed.

I have since learned that this is a form of manipulating impressionable and vulnerable people. I submitted my thoughts to him for a long time. It took about four year after that time for me to realize that I was no longer a man; at least not a respectable man. I made no decisions without making sure he would approve. I jumped to see if he was watching. He had managed to replace Jesus as Master in my life in a functional way. It was a violent trial of the soul. I see some men are have settled into such a routine of doing this that they couldn’t even imagine being out of “his will” (AG’s will, that is). One young missionary that my home church sent to be trained under AG was having a conversation with me one time. We’ll call him P. He wanted G to also go to the training center. I told him that I wasn’t for that idea. P exclaimed to me, “But he needs a relationship with AG. He needs a final authority in his life.” I rebuked P because he, as a Baptist, should know that our final authority is the Word of God. P didn’t see the contradiction and I am confident that he still doesn’t.

At any rate I think this part of AG’s abuse has been the most difficult to get over. Now almost seven years after the severing of our relationship I still struggle with what he would think about what I am doing. Would he think I”m a loser for my results in ministry? Would he think I’m a loser because of a haircut my son gets? Would he think I’m a loser for how my wife dresses? A million insecurities invade my mind because I was so obsessed with his judgement of me for so long. I am not alone in this. Many many young men and women struggle with this years after leaving. At some level I am guilty for allowing a man to replace Jesus and the Word of God. In a way, though, he is guilty for emotionally manipulating impressionable young people to desire his approval so deeply. He doesn’t discourage it though he may in public. He revels in it in private. His lust is not the sexual kind mainly. His lust is for complete loyalty and followership from men that only Jesus deserves.

Work Expectations

Another component of the marriage problems caused by being mentored by AG is the amount of work I was expected to do to achieve his approval. He would often tell us 60 hours was a minimum. During our first year in language school my wife began to record the hours that I worked and some weeks it approached 80. I was striving to fulfill who he told me was respectable.

I have since counseled with other men who have been mentored by AG who have missed years and decades of their children’s lives by keeping work hours that they emotionally felt were required to not be a thief of supporter’s money, according to AG. I am thankful for a wife who confronted me on this abuse of her and our children. I am also thankful for a few godly mentors who helped correct these patterns. I learned little by little to love my family better.

Controlling of Decisions

When I was a missionary in Peru I suggested that the AG move back to America and start a church where he could train more missionaries. When he decided to do that in 2006 I returned from the field to the US to help him start the church. My personal part in his vision is that I was going to lead the effort to reach _. He would always say that he needs a man for _ (and every other area of the world). I endeavored to be that man. I didn’t realize at that time that I was not serving Christ as much as I was serving him and his plans and goals.

His plan was to start satellite TV and recruit other missionaries for _. He wanted me to stay in Georgia and do that. During my time in the US I realized that God had made me to be a cross-cultural missionary and I needed to go, not stay. I made a trip to _ and then decided to leave the US and move my family to __. This kicked off a year of anger and verbal abuse from him. When I told him that I was going to leave he told me that I could not be his man for ___ any more and he would look for another man. He started to refuse to talk to me and when I would ask questions and try to get his attention he would glare at me and say hateful, judgmental things. He continued this treatment for almost one full year. He couldn’t look at or talk to me kindly. He felt I was abandoning him and his vision.

I have since realized that this is a tactic to control someone, not to lead them to follow Jesus. This however was only the most obvious decision I made that he didn’t like. Anything else I did that he didn’t like would cause him to refuse to answer my questions because: “You don’t listen anyway. Why should I tell you anything?” This passive-aggressive jerking people around is typical of his way of getting people to submit their decisions to his will.

Separation from other influences

One of the hallmarks of an abuser (and cult leader) is that they separate you from other relationships. During my first experience as a 20 year old student under AG this effort began. He would call my pastor **_** an idiot and a loser. He would laugh when I refused to ever say anything bad about him or agree to criticisms that he was giving him. His foundation of AG’s criticism of my pastor was that he did not mentor me like AG was doing. He did not have me over to his house all the time or spend time with me during the week. He did not talk to me about personal things or give me much direct feedback. AG used this method that he was using to convince me that I shouldn’t listen to my pastor and that he was a failure as a pastor. He sowed in my mind a resentment toward my pastor when I had only previously had respect.

This was true also about other leaders and pastors around me including my own father. He would ridicule his stature or other things about him. Other pastors and preachers he would often refer to as losers, idiots, and poop-for-brains. Whenever I would get upset by any of these judgements, he would tell me “Get your panties out of a wad.” Or “To be teased is to be loved.” I later realized that this is also a hallmark of an abuser: they mock you, tear you down, and isolate you and if you get offended or dislike it they act like you are being a sensitive girl. This way they can get control over you and your mind.

In 2007 I remember sitting down with Mark Coffey and Trent Cornwell. I was so emotionally distraught over how he was treating me which had intensified when I decided to move to North Africa and not work under him at the church. I told them that I would leave the group and go somewhere else if I could but I had no where to go. By that time AG had completely cut any healthy relationships I had to the point I felt too isolated and weak to leave. I think this is the end goal of an abuser.

The occasion that precipitated our severed relationship was after a conference that I organized about planting churches in the Muslim world. I had invited men who had spent decades in places like Lebanon, Egypt, Senegal, and more. We spent two days listening to each other preach and teach. At the end of the conference I went out to eat with he and his wife along with my family. During that meal he was visibly upset. I asked him what he thought of the conference and he said, “I have never seen a room full of more idiots. I wish you wouldn’t listen to those guys. But it would probably be better if I was dead. Then you wouldn’t have to have me trying to help you.” This is almost an exact quote.

Can you imagine something more unChrist-like? The amount of emotional and mental control he is seeking to have in this way of talking to a young man he is mentoring is completely outside of biblical pastor-hood and well into the area of cult-leader and emotional abuse.

Lack of Confidentiality

A complaint I brought up to AG was that he had told large numbers of people about private conversations I had with him when I asked for marital counseling. He had also told me about the wife of another missionary withholding sex from him in order to control him. I told him that these things should not be. A pastor should hold counseling sessions in complete confidentiality. He told me that my rebuke was invalid because he was just trying to help people but I was shooting at him. I believe he uses confidentiality and the betrayal of that confidentiality to show you that he trusts you with confidential information that he should have never been sharing anyway. It is a tool to bring someone in to your confidence and make them feel special, to make them feel intimate with you.

Encouraging Carnality

I had last a close relationship with a childhood friend, ___, because of the wedge that AG drove in between us. We were working together on the mission field and were having some conflict. AG could have encouraged us toward godly confrontation of the problem and humility toward one another. Instead he advised __ privately and me privately. His advice led to _ leaving _ and moving to __ without giving he and I a chance to talk about it and leave on good terms. Years later God has now completely restored that relationship. _ will have to be my witness as to how we were both encouraged toward man-centered, carnal thinking that made it impossible for us to get along. This I have seen to be a common pattern on mission fields all over the world.

Lack of Repentance

It is very important that people who are working on this restoration understand his pattern of responding to rebuke. In 20014 he produced a podcast with Jeff Bush in which he talked about how he wanted to be held accountable. He even asked that people talk to him when they see him do things wrong. He claimed that he wanted to grow in this way. I believed him so I tried it.

After the incidence mentioned above when he called this room of godly men idiots, I called him on the phone. I told him that it bothered me deeply that he would talk this way about men who loved and served Jesus in the hardest places on earth. I also spoke to him about the way he had maligned me and my work in __ in his Friday classes. I told him that a pastor and Christian leader must not think or talk in this way if he would please Christ.

He exploded in emotional anger on the phone after he heard this rebuke. He immediately twisted two portions of Scripture as weapons against me. First, he referenced Matthew 7:1-5:

1 Judge not, that ye be not judged. 2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. 3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? 4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? 5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye. “You have a beam in your eye and your trying to pick at my speck.”

I still remember him yelling over the phone so the above is quite close to a quote. I insisted, “No. I am not trying to pick at you. I am trying to help you in a pattern of sin I have seen in your life.” He then began twisting another passage of Scripture: Matt. 18:21-35, the story of the unforgiving servant.

“You have been forgiven much but now you want to grab me around the neck.”

Again, the yelling and anger was intense. At this point I was so frustrated that Scriptures so simple to understand were being wielded as a weapon against me. I told him, “I am not seeking to get you to pay me back. I want to help you so that you will quit this sinful pattern. You said on your podcast you wanted this kind of feedback.”

At this point I could see that he was directing all of his anger just at me and wasn’t receiving my words. So I told him that I had conversations with multiple people who had seen the same thing in him and could confirm my words. I told him that I was trying the Matthew 18 model of coming to him directly but he was not receiving my words. For that reason he should have my testimony confirmed by others. He wanted to know who and his mood was affected. Could sense he felt betrayal and hurt. I told him the list of names: _, ___, __, and __. There may have been a name or two further on that list but I know those were on there at least. He wrote the names down. Then he offered his apology, “I’m sorry for whatever I’ve done. I’m going to call all of these people and apologize.” As soon as he said that simple sentence he was off the phone. There as no further discussion about what he had done or what he should change. He called me back to tell me that he had apologized to these men. Now we all have to forgive him. The conversation was short and angry. He wanted me to agree that I forgave him and to drop it.

After that call he proceeded to call each of these men. They can be my witnesses that he called them and said something to each like, “I’m sorry for whatever you think I’ve done.” These men will concur with me that he was not on a mission to really repent but to force them to accept some weak and fake apology. Later he wrote an email with some very convincing text saying that he had deeply thought about his habits and knows he is wrong. He doesn’t know how to change but wants to and wants our patience with him. The wording of the Email was very convincing. It was after this experience that division between us men came in. For some of them, they believed his apology and continued to trust him. For __ and myself this event set us up to be shunned by AG. ___ can tell his story of a retreat soon thereafter held in ___. Whenever __ tried to ask a question or say anything he was met with hospitality from AG. That was the last contact _ had with AG.

For my part I made multiple attempts thereafter to carry on a friendly relationship with AG. I called him on three occasions. I remember the number because I told myself that I will try three times. On each phone call he would answer but then make the conversation so uncomfortable with one word answers and then silence. I knew he didn’t want to talk but didn’t want to be accused of refusing to answer my calls. After a couple minutes on each call I would be the one to say goodbye. I visited the church one last time after this event as well. Betty was very happy to see us but AG would not look at me. I forced him to shake my hand and then I hugged him. He wriggled out of my hug, turned around and walked off. I have never felt more coldness or unwelcome.

For this reason I did not believe that he was repentant though he claimed to be. Trent Cornwell asked me month later why I left and I explained to him that I did not leave. I tried to stay but I was forced out. How do you keep calling when you are treated like that on a phone call? And after a number of years of silence while I was in ____ I would return to the States but not visit his church anymore. I was not invited and I was not welcome. It wasn’t long before the church stopped supporting me without notice.

I think it was at this time that I stopped hoping for restoration and began to be convinced that people needed to be rescued from this unrepentant type of leadership. I encouraged, however, only one person to leave: ____. This was due to my close friendship with him and his expression of frustration. I kept my conversations about AG to a very small group. Good friends in the VBM group didn’t even know we were at odds until years later.

Another important point is that the things I rebuked AG for during this time didn’t change. Many people have since left the board and church for the same type of reasons. If there had been real repentance, there would be change.

Mark Coffey has explained to others (__) that Austin wanted to change but I refused to forgive him and divorced him. This difference of experience with AG is what has divided so many valuable friendships for me. AG has had a front stage presence and a back stage presence. He has a way he presents himself to some people and then in private if he wants to drive someone away because they are dangerous for him, he’ll do that back stage. The experience some have with him is different from the abused. I was definitely on the emotionally abusive side of the experience.

I am concluding this letter to say that he will no doubt apologize. No doubt his apology will be deep and convincing. But will he change? Will he treat all men with the dignity they deserve in Christ? Will he continue a back stage treatment of people? If the past rebukes he’s received are any indication, then he will. A man with his tactics is damaging to the name and body of Christ no matter the size of their ministry or influence. These habits are they to multiply in others will be even more damaging to the true gospel. I call on all those who were under him to openly apologize for furthering his ministry and condemn his style of pastoring which the Lord hates. I was under him for 15 years and furthered his ministry. I have apologized to many in private and will do so publicly as well.

1 Tim 5:20-22

Against an elder receive not an accusation, but before two or three witnesses. Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear. I charge thee before God, and the Lord Jesus Christ, and the elect angels, that thou observe these things without preferring one before another, doing nothing by partiality. Lay hands suddenly on no man, neither be partaker of other men's sins: keep thyself pure.

[signed]