"Melanie"

In 2003, I was introduced to the Austin Gardner group. I went on a missions trip to Peru. It was nothing like I had ever seen in my life. So many young people with such a strong desire to serve as missionaries just like me. That ambient drew me in. Before going on my missions trip, I had applied to a small bible college. But while I was there, I became very interested in changing my plans to join the group in Peru. After all , I could learn how to be a missionary on the mission field, under other seasoned missionaries and with others that had the same strong desire I did. While in Peru we were told in several of the meetings, by Austin Gardner, that if we desired to be there and learn, then we would have to make that decision regardless of what our parents wanted or thought. I was a very young girl, directly out of high school. He told us that the majority of the time parents are not in agreement because its an emotional decision for them to send their child off and that if we wanted to follow God’s call, we would have to be grown up about it and make the decision. I remember with all that in my mind, I had prepared myself the whole airplane ride back that my parents would not be on board but that I would have to tell them that regardless of what they wanted, I had made my decision. I got back, my parents were not in favor of my decision. They were very upset that I had been told that I needed to just go against their wishes. Needless to say, I did not go and I went to Bible College.

Fast forward about 3 years later, my at the time husband and I were training to go to the mission field and needed a home church. I talked my husband into going to Vision Baptist Church to train under Austin Gardner. From the very beginning of our time there my husband would complain of frustration that Austin Gardner was always very rude to him. Austin Gardner would openly in front of the whole class say that my husband was a missionary kid and that missionary kids are the worst because they think they know everything and are completely unteachable. My husband would come home sad and frustrated saying that no matter what he did he couldn’t get Austin Gardner to treat him like he treated the other guys. For the first few years I was very hard on my husband telling him that he needed to change. That maybe he was being unteachable..Maybe he needed to stay quieter. I honestly do not know what went on inside those classes because I was not there, I just know from my own experience that after some time, I realized the problem was not just my husbands fault for not being teachable or not staying quieter, it was how Austin treated those people that he just didn’t like. I remember every time I had a question that I wanted to ask my pastor with my husband at my side, Austin Gardner would always make it very awkward by saying in a very crass way, “I don’t talk to woman...I don’t want to talk to woman... You should always go to your husband first...But I guess if he is unable to help you with the answer than he can come to me with it.” As if, I was doing something inappropriate.

The problems between my husband and Austin Gardner continued the whole time. Austin Gardner calling him out in all the classes publicly and then if my husband got upset , Austin would always say, “why do you always get your panties in a wad over everything.” As if it were absurd that someone would be hurt by the way he treated him.

Fast forward to about 3 years after we joined Vision Baptist Church, ...

We seek biblical council ... from Austin Gardner and his main point to me was to point out the fact that men are sexual beings and it is a woman’s job to give her husband what he needs. His words to me and I quote, “It is always a sin for a man to go looking outside of his marriage, BUT, who could really blame him if his wife can only think about herself and is to selfish to give him what he needs.”

...

Within a few months after that meeting we ended up going to either the yearly Summit or it was a couple’s retreat. (I can’t remember correctly). But what I do remember was that we were sitting in a class of missionary couples with Austin Gardner as the teacher. I was super excited because I am always open to advice on how to be a better wife, mother, christian woman. In the class, he starts talking about couples and their intimate problems. He starts giving examples. I don’t remember exactly how many examples he gave, but I remember two in particular. One was about a couple that we knew that was also there. He gave specific details, without saying their names, about their intimacy problems. He never said their names but my husband leaned over and said, “he’s talking about the ........couple”. I was shocked and asked him how he knew such details and he said that sometimes in the classes details of people’s personal lives was shared as “lessons” to the class. I was horrified!!!!

...

I was so horrified that that information that we had shared in confidence with our pastor was shared with a group of about 30 missionaries or more. I felt so many emotions: anger, shame, guilt, betrayal, and such embarrassment! I cried a lot and was so embarrassed to even show up later to the rest of the meetings that I either stayed outside or sat in the back. He took a very painful detail of my life and used it like it was nothing. And not only used it, but then blamed me.... He didn’t care that I had told him how this problem emotionally affected me because I was heart broken that I had it and I spent the majority of my nights crying myself to sleep .... Does that sound like a heart problem to you? The only important fact to him was that every man “needs” sex frequently.

Fast forward a few more years and my husband and Austin Gardner continue to have a very difficult relationship. My husband continues to search for ways to be accepted by him, so as to not be the outsider. My husband and I come home from the field after a couple years. We drive a long way to GA. We arrive and find out that night they are having a missionary meeting with VBM missionaries. I get excited because we have been gone for a couple years and we haven’t seen some of our missionary friends in a while. My husband tells me that he would rather not go because he knows that Austin Gardner will probably have so many negative things to say to him the whole time in front of everyone about how we were failing on the mission field. I beg him if we can go and he gives in.

....

Not one person questioned him. Not one person stood up for my husband. When it was all over, I was trying to get out as fast as I could and get to my car because tears were welling up in my eyes and ONE person stopped me on my way out and apologized for the way that that was handled. And I can assure you, that that person was NOT Austin Gardner. There were so many other issues over the years that we were there, but these were the main ones to me that I wanted to share. I hold not grudges. I hold no hatred. I am very thankful to God for the help in forgiving Austin Gardner for the pain he caused even though he never once ask for forgiveness. That forgiveness is not something special done by me but is something done by God.

My stories are certainly not the worst, they don’t even come close to being the worst. But they were very painful moments for me where my pastor, who is suppose to protect and take care of and help his sheep, used his power to beat down and betray his sheep. Instead of helping .... by taking him to the Bible and teaching him how to love his wife regardless, he gave him an excuse .... It is NOT the fault of Austin Gardner that my marriage failed ..., but he did NOT do his job as a pastor ....

I have written this letter to help bring to light abuses that were done by Austin Gardner in hopes of a true repentance.

"Melanie"