Tale of Rehoboam and Austin Gardner

If you have never been close to Austin Gardner, you may not recognize the style, but this story is written for those familiar with his methods and style of writing in Austin Gardner's communication style.

Once upon a time, there was a prince named Rehoboam who was about to have the most wonderful day of his life: he was going to become KING! It was finally going to be his turn to be in charge. He had big plans! He couldn’t wait to see what God was going to do! But those pesky people that he was in charge ofand this is sad—they ruined his special day!

“Your Majesty,” the people said with a low bow. “Everyone in the kingdom is worn out. We feel like the king has been treating us a little harshly. Any chance you could make things a little easier for us?”

King Rehoboam was stunned and disappointed. Heartbroken, really. He had thought that when you became king, people wouldn’t talk to you like this anymore! He thought there would just be more bowing and yes-sir-ing. How were his big plans supposed to get done now?

“Let me think about it,” replied Rehoboam sulkily.

Rehoboam ran home and shot out an email to his young friends. It went something like this:

well they say we make it too hard for them they’re tired we don’t care about them enough I am very sorry for how hard I’ve been on you I love you I just want you all to have a strong happy kingdom I’m just gonna cancel everything everyone can just go do what they want

Within minutes, the replies began pouring into his inbox.

“You are God’s man. They’re being rebellious.” “No, we need you to do these projects. God’s glory depends on it.”

“They’re whiners who can’t survive in this world. If it was up to them, we’d be overrun with Syrians.”

“What do they expect a king to talk like?”

Rehoboam smiled. “Just what I taught—I mean, thought you would say.”

With the support of his wise young friends, Rehoboam promptly called a meeting with all the people he was in charge of.

“We’ve been way too easy on you all. You all are weak. What you need is a good scorpion sting to get you going. This kingdom is God’s kingdom. It’s no joke. We are gonna go all out. If you think I was big before, get ready, because I’m about to get a whole lot bigger. You won’t be able to get away from me. I’m gonna load you down until you can barely stand. You’ll work in my fields and only my fields. What kind of a king would I be if I had an easy yoke or a light burden?

“AND—I’m starting a new email ring called heavyyoke@israel.gov. Those of you who want to do something for God, just let me know and I’ll add you. But you have to promise not to whine when I whip you!”

What do you think those people did? Well, they wrecked poor King Rehoboam’s day again.

“A king like that isn’t worth serving!” they cried. “So enjoy being king over nobody!”

And they stormed off, resolved to find a gentle, compassionate king with a yoke they could bear (full disclosure: they had to wait quite a while).

The moral of the story, of course, is: if you try to do something great for God, a lot of people that you love and help will end up hurting you.

But King Rehoboam heroically made the best of it. There were some people who still wanted him to be king, and they did plenty of bowing and yes-sir-ing. He had a new list of enemies to make war with. And there were still his big plans… that is, God’s big plans.